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the writings of Desmond Hume of Lost

Desmond David Hume

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December 13th, 2007

Four

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Four years ago I was training for a race around the world. I was in Los Angeles, far away from my home. I knew what I was doing was the right thing. It was the only way I could prove to Penny's bloody father that I was worthy of her. I was staying in a rental flat not far from the stadium where I ran every day. It wasn't much but it was clean and quiet and that was all I asked for.

Shortly after my arrival I ran into a mate from my school days, a bloke named Ian MacDonald. He is an archaeologist and was in town for the opening of an exhibit of ancient Egyptian artifacts. We decided to go out drinking and he invited a mate of his along. Dr. Julian El Fayed is also an archaeologist. He and Ian went to university together in England. (Julian is part English and part Iraqi and was raised in England.) We went to a downtown pub and were having a few pints when this bullish looking man came over to our table. He looked at Julian and said “I'm surprised they allow your kind in here.” We all looked stunned. “What the bloody hell do ye mean?” Ian asked. “I wasn't talking to you, Eurotrash.” The bloke said. “You and your Arab friend ought to go back where you came from.” Ian stood up and glared at the bloke. “Just let it go.” Julian said. “Do you want to get hauled off to the local nick?” Thankfully cooler heads prevailed. We finished out pints and left. Ian still wanted to clock the loudmouth. I was frankly surprised at the open rudeness we experienced. Thankfully most Americans aren't like that git. I enjoyed my time in America for the most part and if I ever get off this island I'd like to go back sometime. Hopefully I'll get my chance.

November 28th, 2007

I was in Mccafferty's pub with Iain Macdonald and Julian Mccallum. We were having a few pints and watching the football matches. Iain as usual wanted to make a few bets.(The bloke will put a few quid down on anything, I swear.) The match that night was Celtic against Manchester U. Julian and I both put a couple quid on Celtic. Unbeknownst to either of them I had seen this evening and the end of the match in one of my "flashes" of the future and I knew what the final score would be. (Not entirely honest, I admit but  Iwas sick of Iain taking my money whenever I bet against him). I was especially glad I knew what I did because along with taking your money Iain always gave the loser some embarassing dare to do. (Last time Julian ended up having to go up to some bird he had never met and kiss her full on the lips in front of a pub full of football fans.) That night's dare was a corker. The loser had to streak down the high street singing the winning team's song at the top of his lungs.
As expected the game was a close one and Iain started ribbing us about having another pint to keep the vocal cords nice and lubricated for later. Julian told him to sod off. I just smiled and watched the match. Iain was smiling too. A big Cheshire cat grin, which was wiped completely off his face when he saw the final score. "I hope your vocal cords are good and limber, mate." I told him. He looked like he wanted to slug me.
I would have loved to have gotten a picture of him a few minutes later running starkers down the high street singing the Celtic song. Thankfully there weren't any police about and no one got arrested. (It would have been priceless to see Iain explain his way out of that one if he had been). I still laugh every time I think of it. Iain thinks it's hilarious now but for a few days afterwards he wouldn't speak to either of us. I didn't feel sorry for him in the least. He started the whole dare thing. It's not my fault he can dish it out but not take it. (He promptly stopped the dares after this incident. Neither Julian or I had any complaints about that.)
I just wish I had some photographic evidence of that night.

November 14th, 2007

Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane- Orson Scott Card

That's exactly how I feel since I started having these flashes of the future. Some days I feel like I'm losing me mind. People already look at me kind of strangely. I shudder to think how they'd view me if they knew about my ability. When I tried to warn Charlie it just made him angry and all the more determined to do the thing that would get him killed. Poor Charlie. I blame meself for what happened. If I had been more watchful he wouldn't have been able to knock me over the head and go down to the looking glass station. I'm just glad I got there when I did. He had his hands full with those two crazy birds and that one eyed cyborg. I'll never forget the look on his face as he stood at the window and showed me the words written on his hand. His sacrifice brings to mind the words of Charles Dickens. "It's a far far better thing I do, a far far better death I die..." (sorry if that isn't completely correct, I'm ashamed to admit I'm a little rusty on some of the great author's works.) A more honorable death I couldn't wish for anyone.
Ever since Charlie's passing I've wondered if madness might not be the easier path to take. Losing touch with this reality would help to dull the pain. Intellectually I know the idea is ridiculous. Emotionally it's rather enticing. Reality is very heavy right now. How am I going to tell Claire that the man she loved is dead? How will I let the others know that the rescue is not what it seems? It would be bliss to be able to forget all this. Bliss, but not practical.
There is work to be done and as my C.O. in the Royal Scots liked to say "You don't have to like it, you just have to do it."
Very good advice, I'd say.

September 8th, 2007

Heroes vs villains

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Desmond
What is a hero? To me a hero is someone who goes out of their way to do something for the sole reason that it is necessary or it will help someone. Doing good deeds for a reward or to show off is not heroic. Some people may call me a hero for saving Charlie Pace all those times, but that's not how I see myself. By saving Claire from drowning and keeping Charlie from being killed I am fulfilling my destiny, doing what needs to be done. I've always felt that way. When I was a postulate at the monastery I saved brother Seamus from being run over by a lorry while crossing the road in town. I did it because it was the right thing to do. I neither looked for or wanted praise or reward.
Some (actually a lot of people) may say that Jack Shepard is a hero. I agree that he has done miraculous things in the operating room and thought he was saving everyone on this island. His problem is that he is driven by some force inside him to do these things. I'd almost say he has a God complex of sorts. He certainly seems happiest when he has some crisis to deal with or someone to save.
What or who is a villain? Someone whose sole purpose in life is to do evil or bring misery to others. I'd say Charles Widmore is at least somewhat villainous. He's brought nothing but misery into my life. Is Ben Linus a villain? I'd say so. (or at least a dictator). He seems to live to be in control of his people and doesn't hesitate to use others to fulfill his aims. He also cold bloodedly killed his own father and was responsible for the deaths of at least 40 other people. That certainly qualifies as villainous in my book. (also megalomaniac and sociopathic, but that's another topic.)

August 16th, 2007

Where do I see myself twenty years from now

For a long time I would have answered happily married to Penny with a houseful of kids. Now I'm not so sure. The things I've seen make me wonder. What if Mrs. Hawking was right and we weren't meant to be together? When she originally told me that in the jewelry shop and explained about the universe's way of course correcting when someone tries to change fate I didn't really take her seriously. Now with what happened to Charlie I have to re-evaluate. It certainly seemed he was fated to die.
Some days I wonder if I'll even survive for twenty years. This island is full of perils. Even when I try to do a good deed I put myself at risk. I tried to help Charlie and ended up getting shot at. Who knows what will happen if the others come back. We killed a number of them so I wouldn't be surprised if they were out for revenge. And what about Naomi's people? I know now they weren't sent by Penny. It remains to be seen what they want when they arrive.
I'd love to settle down and have a family but I don't know if it's in the cards for me. I have a destiny to fulfill and I intend to do it as best I can.
So where do I see myself in twenty years? Hopefully still alive and fulfilling my destiny. Someplace warm with someone I love to come home to.
I can't wait to see what fate has in store for me.

July 28th, 2007

Letters

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To someone I've hurt:


My dear Ruth,

How can I hope to tell you how sorry I am for what I've done? I was arrogant and a coward and thought only of my own destiny.

I was wrong and I beg your forgiveness. I should have told you of my doubts and misgivings. Instead I ran like a scared child. I have to live with that now.

I hope you can find it in your heart to grant me forgiveness and know that my love was true regardless of my fears.

I loved you deeply, if not too well.

I hope you can understand and please remember that the Lord isn't finished with me yet.


Love always,

Desmond


To someone who hurt me:


Dear Charles Widmore,


You bloody bastard. I walked into your office humbly with my heart on my sleeve and what did you do? You all but called me a loser and said I was unfit to date your daughter. You said I wasn't even fit to have a drink of your bloody scotch. (Incidentally I recently shared a bottle of that very same scotch with a couple of blokes and as I drank I thought of you. I thought of the look on your face when you find out that Penny and I will be together regardless of your wishes.)

How could you be so cold and unfeeling. I may not have an Oxford education or a distinguished military record but I'm a good and loyal person. Your Penny couldn't find a more faithful man. You'll never find that out though because you wouldn't give me a chance. You wouldn't even let Penny read the bloody letters I sent her. How could you?

I don't want to waste my paper or ink pouring my feelings out to you. I know what little good it would do.

All I want to say is leave Penny and me alone.

Oh, and get stuffed, you insufferable git.


Desmond Hume

July 10th, 2007

Religion

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Is religion a comfort or a crutch? Usually people find it a comfort in times of sorrow or need.
Unfortunately, for me it became the latter. I was involved with a woman named Ruth and when I got cold feet about marriage instead of telling her how I felt I went and joined a monastery. At the time I felt it was my calling. The Brothers, however weren't as sure about me. I was given a one month vow of silence to take shortly after I arrived. This was to give me time for soul searching and reflection and to prove my dedication to the monastic life. I spent many days praying and searching my soul during that time.I soon came to realize that my actions were selfish and cowardly. I was weak and immature and ran away instead of facing up to my feelings.
I must admit I felt at home in the monastery and enjoyed the ordered way of life and all the rituals and rules. Unfortunately all the soul searching in the world couldn't prepare me for Ruth's reaction when I finally went to her to make amends. She had every right to be angry and even to refuse to see me. I just never expected her coldness or the verbal slap in the face I received.
In retrospect I realize I behaved childishly again on my return to the monastery. I slipped into the vineyard and proceeded to nick several bottles of wine. I was well knackered when Brother Alwyn found me. You can imagine how displeased he was. The following day I was dismissed from the monastery. (I never knew you could be thrown out of a religious order like that. I guess they have that option while you are still a postulate.)
As I think back on it I realize it may have been for the best. I found out some important things about myself and learned I do well in solitude. (I didn't learn about my greater purpose in life until several years later.) That purpose is turning out to be greater than I ever imagined. I pray I won't fail in fulfilling it.

June 26th, 2007

My biggest secret

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I always thought I was an open book, and generally I am. Except for one thing. My only secret is the fact that sometimes I “see” what is going to happen before it does. I've had this ability since I was a lad. At that time I just thought I was having very vivid dreams that actually came true a lot of the time. My mum and my Gran just said it was a series of coincidences that what I saw actually happened. (That wasn't surprising at all. Nan is very religious and believes that only the Lord knows the future in advance.)
I only came to realize what an ability I possessed when I became an adult. During my time at the monastery I started seeing things again. I realized that I was being shown these things for a reason and that I had a duty to try and change what I could. (Alas, that wasn't always successful.) I never told anyone what I saw. Even in a religious community having visions isn't considered a good thing. The last thing I want is to be considered a freak or a nutter. (That's why except for Charlie I haven't told anyone on the island what I've seen. They already look at me like I'm rather strange. I shudder to think what they would say if they knew all about me. Maybe someday I'll reveal the truth. (At least to Claire. She deserves to know what happened to Charlie and why he did what he did.) For now some things are better kept secret.

June 2nd, 2007

Describe your perfect day

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That's easy. I'd be with my beloved Penny. I'd pack us a picnic lunch...something simple like apple and brie sandwiches on crusty French bread, fresh cut veggies from the farmers market, Organic strawberries, shortbread cookies, and a bottle of champagne. We'd go to a spot I know outside of Edinburgh where there's a secluded little park with an amazing view. We'd eat our lunch then lie on our blanket looking up through the trees. We'd drink the champagne and I'd surprise her with the ring I'd hidden in the picnic hamper. I'd then ask her to be my wife and she'd emphatically say yes.
How I wish Penny was here now. There are a few spots on this island I'd love to show her. I can just imagine us snuggling together, kissing. On my perfect day we'd end up doing a lot more than that.
After our picnic we'd go into town and browse in some of the shops. We'd then go back to our flat for more champagne and a "private celebration", if you know what I mean.
On my perfect day I wouldn't feel like a poor sod who Mr. Charles Widmore feels is unworthy of his daughter. I'd be with the woman I love and who loves me unconditionally. I was hopeful I might actually get to experience it in the near future until recently. Seeing Penny on the screen in the Looking glass station, even for that brief moment gave me hope. Then I read Charlie's final message. Naomi hadn't been sent by Penny. I believe my dear Penny is still searching for me. It just might take longer than I expected. I continue to have faith. It's all I can do now.

May 22nd, 2007

Have I ever killed a human?

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Not intentionally. When I followed Kelvin I only wanted to see where he was going and what he was doing. Even when I saw my boat in almost perfect repair in that lagoon I didn't have murder in my mind. I was in a bit of a rage when I confronted him, I admit. (It was completely justified though. He kept me a virtual prisoner for three years and was going to nick my bloody boat and leave me high and dry.) I never intended it to end up as it did. That's the honest truth, rage or no rage. I'm generally a gentle, peaceloving person. (I did get into several dust ups while I was in the nick but that was self defense. I may be gentle but I'm not a bloody coward and I won't be some bloke's punching bag.) Back to Kelvin; to this day I feel ashamed for what I did. Bad enough I knocked him down on the rocks but then I just ran off and left him. I saw the blood and realized that the 108 minutes was almost up and I panicked. Thinking about it now I feel even worse because there was a good chance he was alive when I left him. Minor scalp wounds can bleed a lot. My youngest brother Michael fell off the jungle gym when he was in kindergarten and everyone thought he had cracked his head open there was so much blood. Turns out he just had a big cut and needed stitches.
I'm not sure how I'd react if I saw Kelvin alive. I know I'd be grateful I hadn't killed him. I'm wondering if I may find out soon. His body wasn't there when I went to my boat after running from the hatch. Even if he was dead or nearly dead that doesn't mean that's the end of him on this island. That bloke with the eye patch we ran into in the jungle said he died, and yet there he was seemingly unharmed. I've had to change a lot of what I previously believed since coming here. I sincerely hope Kelvin is okay and that he will forgive me for what I did. I am truly sorry, believe me.

May 7th, 2007

That's an easy one since it seems I haven't smiled for over three years. (probably a wee exaggeration, but it feels that way.) Her name is Naomi and she parachuted onto the island I'm trapped on. At first her condition seemed grave as a branch had punctured her lung when she landed. Thankfully, (I guess) one of the hostiles, as Kelvin called them stumbled out of the woods. He happened to have been an army field medic and was able to save her with my help.
She is recovering nicely now. I just hope someone doesn't tell Jack about her or what she said about flight 815. I don't trust him since he returned from being with the hostiles. (I don't particularly trust that woman he brought back with him either but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.)
I smiled when Naomi told Hurley, Charlie, Sayid, and me that she was employed by Penny Widmore. (I guess it's okay that Sayid knows. I hope no one else does though.) My Penny hasn't forgotten me and she's trying to find me. Just thinking about that helps me keep my faith. I wonder if Daddy Widmore knows what Penny is doing. I'm sure he'd blow a bloody gasket if he did. Just thinking about that makes me smile too.
Hopefully we'll be able to contact the ship that brought Naomi somehow, and hopefully we'll get rescued from this bloody place. Thinking about that makes me smile too.

April 12th, 2007

Time

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I remember turning the failsafe key (as if I could ever forget that. It will be imprinted on my memory forever.). There was a flash of light and the next thing I knew I was lying on the floor of my old flat covered in red paint. Did I actually travel in time then? Aye, that's the question. Sadly, I can't answer it to much satisfaction. Everything that happened seemed so real. The smells, the sights, the sounds. The feel of Penny's skin against mine. I've never had a dream like that before. Ever since I woke up in the jungle starkers I've been doing a lot of thinking about the nature of time and my place in the great cosmic picture. Mrs. Hawking said that some things are predestined and that nature has a way of course correcting. I wonder if that is really true of if someone's fate can be changed. I certainly hope it's the latter. On that same token, If I did go back in time could anything I did somehow have changed the present? On the surface it appears not. Somehow that doesn't make me feel any better. I know if something did change it would be subtle not out and out obvious like in so many sci-fi shows.
This whole affair has made me reconsider my significance in the grand scheme of things. I have a purpose and something to contribute, even if bloody Charles Widmore wouldn't approve of it.
Will I ever see Penny again? Will I be able to save Charlie from the fate the universe seems to have in store for him? Only time will tell.

March 18th, 2007

Fragile

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I never realized how fleeting life could be until I saw all the ways Charlie was supposed to die. Even doing something as simple as climbing over some rocks to catch a gull for Claire. Just one wrong move and bang, it's all over. I sometimes wish I didn't know what I do. This type of knowledge weighs on a bloke. Plus, everyone looks at me like I'm a nutter when I try to explain it to them. (Can't say as I blame them. I'd find it hard to believe if it wasn't happening to me.) I'm grateful I've been able to stop the inevitable with Charlie so far. Will it really make any difference though? If Mrs. Hawking is correct and the universe does course correct all my efforts may end up being for naught. I'm not giving up yet. I believe we can change our destiny. I believe it with all my heart, just as I believe Penny and I are meant to be together.
I can only imagine what fate has in store for us next. Are we just playing pieces on some cosmic game board? The way things have been happening here I have to wonder sometimes. At the moment all I can do is keep the faith and try to forestall the inevitable for Charlie. That's more than a day's work but I'll gladly do it.

February 18th, 2007

Night

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It wasn't long after the hatch imploded. Waves softly lapped at the shore and a full ripe moon hung in the sky. I sat on a blanket with Charlie and Hurley and I was content for once. We laughed and sang old pub songs and passed a bottle of Mccutcheon's between us. I should have known something was up when they started acting so friendly towards me. Alas, I was too trusting again and didn't see it coming. If I had known it was all a ploy to get me to tell what happened after I turned the failsafe key I never would have started drinking with them. How could they or anyone possibly understand what it was like to get a second chance at happiness and have it taken away again? I didn't know what to make of it when I found myself back in my flat after the painting accident. Was I dead? Was it a dream? Was it really happening? It was wonderful to be with Penny again. (I could have done without the meeting with her wanker of a father though) I thought I was being given the chance to make things right. Imagine my surprise when I was dealt a karmic slap on the head. I couldn't stay with Penny and not go on the boat race that led me here. If I did people would die. The choice was obvious no matter how much it pained me. I did what had to be done. The one thing in my life that made a difference. And Charlie has the gall to call me a coward. After I saved his skinny arse for the second time that very morning. He has no idea what's in store. I wish I could change the inevitable but I can't. I may not be able to save him in the end but I can save the world.

January 30th, 2007

I never thought I'd say this but part of me is glad Jack was captured by the others. When I first met him in Los Angeles he seemed like a genuinely kind and caring bloke. I still think he is that but he's also somewhat of a control freak and a care taker and not the best listener. Dare I say it but he appears to have almost a God complex at times. If something's wrong he has to be the one to fix it and it's his personal failing if he can't. When I arrived back on the beach he seemed less than compassionate about what I had been through. (I admit showing up totally blotto wasn't the best entrance I could have made, but still...) He also seemed to be involved in some kind of pissing contest with Locke. I like John. He seems to be a much fairer leader. (Why he allowed that bloody Paulo and his insipid girlfriend Nikki along on our trek to the pearl I'll never know. All they did is test the plumbing and make Locke look like a fool.)
I'm glad there is someone in charge (nominally anyway) now who will listen to others and take decisive action. I'll be more than glad to join the rescue party he forms. (provided he doesn't invite Mr. arrogant and his girl) I really like Jack despite what I've said. He just needs a friend to help him work through some of his issues and to tell him when he's getting overbearing. I've tried to offer my friendship and it didn't go over well. Maybe what he's going through with the others is a good thing. He may learn some things about leadership and himself in the process.
I can hope anyway.

January 8th, 2007

I've always been partial to the Beatles' Obla Di Obla Da because it has my name in it. I wouldn't say it's my one defining song though. When I was in the nick it was John Lennon's "Nobody told me". I certainly felt that way then. (and in the hatch, as I think about it.) Now it's "I'll find a way" by Rachael Yamagata. That is exactly how I feel about my dear Penny. Somehow someway I will get back to her. I have to keep telling myself that. It's the only thing that keeps me sane some days. Over all I'd say the song that describes me best is "Make your own kind of music" by Mama Cass. I've always been an individualist and always gone against what I was "supposed" to do. (which isn't always a good thing, I can tell you. It's probably what landed me in the nick and got me dishonorably discharged from the Army.)
It's what first attracted Penny to me. She said I was a free thinker and a dreamer and she loved that about me. (Incidentally those are two of the reasons her bloody father thinks I'm unfit to date his daughter.) I just have to keep reminding myself that I have to be me and that there's nothing wrong with that. That song always lifted me up when I was feeling down. I'm looking forward to seeing what the song for the next part of my life will be.

December 20th, 2006

What would I change about my society?

Right now my society is the group of crash survivors on this island. What one thing would I change about it? Probably the lack of communication. I haven't been back very long but I get the impression that no one tells anyone else anything. If they did perhaps the kidnapping of Jack, Kate, and Sawyer could have been averted. Why is everyone so bloody secretive? Sun, Jin, and Sayid arrived back safely the other day. As of yet they haven't told anyone about shooting the Other and sinking the boat. (I only know about it because I “saw” it in my head.) You may wonder why I haven't told anyone about the things I see. I tried several times with bad results. Hurley looked at me like I was a nutter when I told him about Locke's speech before he had given it, and Charlie got all huffy and overprotective when I mentioned about fixing Claire's roof. I'm afraid I'll get laughed off the beach or looked on as an oddity if I do it again. (That's why I didn't tell Paulo what I needed the golf club for. Actually, it probably wouldn't matter with him. He doesn't need a reason to act superior and treat me like something that should be thrown in the dustbin. He and Charles Widmore would get on splendidly.)
I'm hoping Locke and I can start getting people to be more forthcoming. We're going to need to be if we want to survive on the island. I just wish my fellow castaways would get their heads out of the sand and see that.

December 6th, 2006

Dance

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I remember it like it was yesterday. (Not surprising actually. It's hard to forget your first love...or what you thought was love.) I was 22 and just finishing at University. Her name was Lily Cabot-Barnes. I was taken with her the first time I saw her on campus dressed in that snug fitting jumper and curve hugging skirt. She had long black hair, ivory skin, and the most beautiful blue eyes. It took me a while to get the nerve to ask her out but I finally did.
We had been seeing each other for a while when I took her to the regimental ball. (Not regimental in the sense you're probably thinking, although many of the blokes were wearing kilts.) Lily was wearing a gown of wine colored silk. I had on what some of the blokes call a Scottish tuxedo. (a kilt with a dress shirt and dinner jacket on top) I felt like a total arse in that get up as I'm sure a lot of the chaps there did. I had never done much ballroom dancing before this but I wasn't averse to trying. (the music was a variety of classic stuff like waltzes and modern rock so there was something just about everybody could do.)
I remember how nervous I felt as Lily and I stepped out on the floor and I took her in my arms. She settled in against me, the swells of her breasts pressing against the lapels of my dinner jacket and her hips against mine. I began to realize just how intimate an act dancing can be. (we had kissed before but never gone farther than that. I got the impression she wanted to change that that night. It was certainly a night neither of us would ever forget.

November 28th, 2006

sunrise

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I remember the first sunrise I watched after fleeing the hatch. I was taken with the pallette of colors and the way the sun glinted on the water as it set. I hadn't seen the sun or felt the fresh air for over three years. (There was that brief outing when I followed Kelvin and accidentally killed him. I'm not counting that. It's something I'd much rather forget.) I felt a little bad about running out on Jack and Locke like that. When the computer got broken the fight or flight response kicked in and all I could think of was leaving. Since we're all still here I can only assume they got the computer working again. At the time I was just happy to be out of there and in nature again. Once I was on my boat I still made a point of watching the sunrise and sunset every day. They seemed like gifts to me after being cooped up for so long. Nature truly is amazing. In the hatch there was a window that could be set to simulate the sunrise or sunset. It was certainly pleasant but it wasn't the real thing. I remember the beautiful sunrises over the moors in Scotland. They were truly something to behold. One of the first nights I spent with Penny we stayed up talking and watched the sun come up together. I still remember that night whenever I feel down (and think of all the sunrises we have yet to see together.) I'll say it again. Nature truly is amazing.

November 8th, 2006

Tunnel

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My dearest Pen,

On the grounds of Southwick there is an old stone tunnel leading to a supply shed. Blokes here call it "The tunnel of love." It got that name because M-Rod and a few of his mates frequently bring their "Boys" there for a little "action", if you know what I mean. It's secluded and quiet and out of view of the guards. I shudder just thinking about what goes on there. I don't know how M-Rod can get away with taking advantage of innocent young prisoners as he does. One of his former cellmates, an eighteen year old private from Brighton hung himself from the railing of B-Block. He just couldn't take it anymore. Liam, B-Side, and I found him there. I tried doing CPR on him but it was too late. It was shortly after that incident that M-Rod started taking farm boy to the tunnel. I wish I could do something, but I have no idea what. Liam says crossing M-Rod would be suicide. That may be true but someone has to stop him. I see the way he looks at me in the mess hall sometimes, licking his lips and flicking his tongue out like a snake. Gives me the creeps. So far he hasn't tried anything, touch wood. If he did I'd likely be on my own. The guards are less than helpful in situations like that.(and that's the honest ones.)
I think about you constantly and miss you always.

Your loving,
Desmond
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